A thank you note.

Dear neighbor boy,

Thank you for staying out past curfew with your boisterous skateboard-toting buddies as to capture the attention of a passing police officer. Thank you for getting in a fight at school, one serious enough to give another lawman something to do. Thank you for attending your citation hearings and for accepting your sentence with the utmost teenage dignity. In today's wavering economy, public servants are grateful for the steady work you provide.

Thank you for choosing to fulfill several of your community service hours at our house. Without your help, the Christmas tree might still be up, the fish would be concealed in algae-covered aquarium glass, and the bathroom would still show the aftermath of Tropical Storm Alec.

Thank you for letting me run in the mornings with your mom so that I understand that if good parenting could prevent kids from making dumb choices, you would be shining your halo and not my floors. Thank you for helping me find a little more patience for my own budding teen and his homework-hating, chore-avoiding, sibling-pestering ways.

Thank you for helping Todd with a science crossword puzzle. I'm not sure how his teacher felt about your suggestion to add a exclamation points to the hypothesized words that didn't fit the allotted squares, but he did complete his assignment. Thank you for the other lesson that you taught Todd and that he has since passed on to his little sister: "Kenna, it's good to learn from your own mistakes but sometimes it's good to learn from other people's mistakes!!"

New goals for 2010.

First things first...Blogging hiatus explained.
The reason that I haven't blogged in such a long time is that my ongoing war with real life versus my expectations has reached a pinnacle. I've held the belief that if I tried harder, got up earlier, ran faster, gave more, etc., that things would work out the way I wanted them to. Just like the eagle eggs in Nacho Libre, these things are a LIE and I am fighting against the universe's insistence that I learn this sad, sad lesson. The practice of this philosophy hasn't given me what I want at all. I haven't blogged because I'm hoping that lack of documentation of the last few months will aid me in forgetting what a disaster I have felt like.

That explained, here's my plan for 2010:
Last year's idea to include inspiring words to live by with my resolutions was a bust. I began too many things, persevered through many, and excelled at NONE (except ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper consumed). I am starting out 2010 very discouraged. Here is a mere sampling of what is getting me down:
* I've got nearly 20 extra pounds hanging around and no desire to do what it takes to banish them.
* I find it nearly impossible to keep my cool with my teenager.
* I'm lazy at work but consistently agree to take on more when asked.
* My Christmas decorations are STILL up!
* The house is a wreck. I'm totally disorganized and haven't the will to de-junk and tackle the mess.

I have bid farewell to delusions that I might become a more temperate Gloria Steinem, a mormon Mother Teresa, a less-annoying Don Aslet, an honest Hiliary Clinton, a drawl-less Dr. Phil, a normally nostriled Jillian Michaels, a less wealthy but equally generous Oprah Winfrey, or any other noted world-changer. Even my smallest of goals for self-improvement and mastery go unmet day after day, year after year. So, spurred by a pattern of hard work not working out and an overwhelming desire to take a nap under my desk at work last week, it's time to lower the bar and do the opposite of what I've tried for too long. My new role model...

GEORGE COSTANZA.

If you drop by, you will find me draped in velvet eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery. Happy New Year!!