Confidence in his dad.

ALEC: "Mom, aren't I doing such a good job of setting up my chess pieces?"
ME: "Yes, Sweetie. Awesome."
ALEC: "Yeah. I think I'm going to set up Dad's pieces too."
ME: "That would be nice because Dad is busy trying to get Todd to do his jobs and that is a hard project because Todd is a little bit grouchy."
ALEC: "I don't think it will be hard for Dad."
ME: "Really?"
ALEC: "Yeah because Dad is so good at using his mean voices."

Countdown

For one more month...

I'm fast approaching 40 and really freaking out,
Not yet the girl I want to be, my sanity's in doubt.

At a glance, I have it all--great job, husband and kids,
But the looming big 4-0 has my stress level off the grid.

I guess I had a picture, a hope for what might be,
When I left behind my 30s and marched toward 40.

Where is my mark of wisdom? My temperance and calm?
I'm more unsettled than a teen preparing for the prom.

I want to feel mature and poised, strong and self-assured,
At what age can I expect insecurity to be cured?

They Hoped to be Called on a Mission

They hoped to be called on a mission,
They prayed and readied for the work,
They wanted to go somewhere special,
Where they could learn & serve & never would they shirk.

The call said, Go to Salt Lake City,
Please help to build the kingdom strong,
Prepare for lessons and for blessings,
Knowing well that you are right where you belong.

My mom and dad (aren't they are good looking couple?!) are going on an LDS mission. They will serve in the church office building as Construction Finance Specialists for 18 months beginning August 2nd. We couldn't be more thrilled for them to start this next adventure together and what a bonus that they will be so close to us!! I feel a lot of Temple Square trips coming on. Love you, Mom and Dad.

Remembering Sheri

Brent's little sister Sheri was 15 when Brent and I got married. She attended BYU Hawaii and served an LDS mission. Shortly after she married Eric, they moved to Lolo, Montana. Because our earthly acquaintance was relatively short, "remembering" Sheri feels more like recalling the feeling of her presence and loving her through the stories of Brent's family.

Sheri would have been 34 years old on Sunday. She passed away last August while giving birth to her second child. Yesterday we gathered to remember the blessing of her in our lives and to celebrate the selfless gift of her two daughters.

We started at the cemetery where we left notes, flowers and pictures at Sheri's grave site. We tied some messages to helium-filled balloons and the kids released them. We ate dinner and birthday cake at Brent's parents' home and finished by watching home videos of Sheri as a young girl.
Sheri's death causes me to think often of the things I know and believe. It is hard to reconcile how faith changes when it is tested in reality. Now the things that I know feel so small compared to those I don't and I think that was probably the same for Sheri.

Sheri knew that Eric was the right guy for her...that he was cute, funny, kind and good. She didn’t know what an incredible parent he would be with or without her.

Sheri knew that she wanted to be a mother. Even when it was hard and tiring, she was grateful for the experience. She didn’t know that her time as a mom would be so short.

Sheri knew that having children would require hard work and sacrifice. She didn’t know that she would have to literally forfeit her life for her daughters.

I know that our families can be together again after this life. I don’t know why learning and really understanding the importance of this comforting knowledge can hurt so much sometimes.

I love you, Sheri.

O Canada. Go Canada!

My particular mix of anxiety and pessimism is not a good combo for sports viewing. I really want my teams to win but doubt they will. I balance this dysfunction with enough sports apathy, however, that I don't get too excited by a win or too upset by a loss. It is especially buggy when avid fans of opposing teams feel the need to rub in their victories. I smile and feign more disappointment than I feel and hope that my forbearance will bring their silence. Really? Who has enough mental and emotional space in their brain and heart to have more than 3-1/2 minutes of post-game life affected by something you have exactly zero control over? I prefer to spend my energies berating myself for skipping a run or cussing my dirty house not on choosing the wrong group of athletes to support.

Knowing that friends and acquaintances would ask about the Olympics being held in Canada, I watched a lot of the coverage so that I could participate in 17 days worth of small talk. Doubt and distress ignited when the cauldron didn't at the opening ceremonies. My apprehension grew as U.S. commentators dwelt on poor Canadian performances of the Olympic past. I suffered many a cardiac arrhythmia and near suffocation from holding my breath that the motherland would pull through. I hated, hated, hated that the U.S. men's hockey team beat Canada in the first round of tournament play. A friend at work made sure I knew his feelings on the topic and I didn't have to feign dissatisfaction this time. My mental status sustaining apathy had evaporated. Over the next several days, I was buoyed by other great Canadian performances but couldn't erase the burning hope that Team Canada would spank the U.S. in the final hockey game. I checked the internet throughout the game knowing I couldn't watch without risking my heart's health. Finally, with 43 seconds left in the last period, I turned on the TV and cheered confidently for 19 seconds...until the U.S. tied the game. Hopes dashed I debated staying tuned for the overtime period but decided to see my team through. When we scored, I reservedly cheered until Todd informed and assured me (three times) that it was a sudden death overtime. A swell of relief filled the part of me that normal sports fans cram with rejoicing. I wasn't nearly as happy as I was freed from the angst of wishing for something you can't control. Blech. I hate sports.

My mild in-your-face celebration was wearing a Canada shirt to work on Monday and painting my fingernails like this.

(Hmmm. Maybe this is a Gang Canada sign. Yikes.)

On a related note, the women's team did great and caused me no worries at all. :)

St. George 1/2 and 5K.

This motley crew loves St. George and loves running in St. George even more!

On January 23rd we all ran the St. George 1/2 Marathon or 5K. Left-to-right is me, Brent, Eric (Brent's brother-in-law), Scott (Brent's dad), Andrea (Brent's sister) and Nate (Andrea's husband, Brent's brother-in-law.)

Brent ran the 1/2 marathon with a goal to set a personal 1/2 record by running it in under 1:56 which he did...1:52:40!! Yay Brenty-Boo!
Brent has some lofty running goals and he is well on his way to smashing them all. Brent wants to set a marathon personal record at the Salt Lake City Marathon in April by running under 4:12 and run a sub 4 hour marathon at the Ogden Marathon in May. He has be running and training a ton and he is on-track to easily meet his expectations. So glad for him.

I ran the 1/2 too but my goal was only to finish upright and under 2:25 which I did. I've had a hard time training this winter. It's not too motivating to get up hours before the sun, breath in junk trapped by the inversion, and freeze your body to the bone. Too often I run, hit the shower, and jump right back into bed where greeted by my electric blanket left on high for that purpose. I wonder how many calories you burn when you go right back to sleep after running! Not enough as evidenced by the numbers on the scale. :(

Other awesome St. George activities included a runners' luncheon and birthday celebration for Brent's dad, swimming kids and plenty of cousin hooliganism.

I love St. George and I really love the wonderful people that love it with me.

Sometimes when you do this...

...you can fly.

At least, that's what Alec told me when I rounded the corner and found him in this pose.

Don't call unless...

Sometimes my kids are home alone. (Yes, I'm that kind of mother.) Thanks to the constant companionship of my cell phone, they are able to call if there is a problem or question. More often than not, however a phone call from home is a report that that so-and-so is being mean or won't share the blah blah blah. About a month ago I got three such calls in succession during a work training. After the third, I firmly explained that these situations were not emergencies and that they needed work things out on their own. I did not want to be interrupted again for anything that didn't involve a lot of blood or fire.

Today my cell phone vibrated during a meeting at Todd's school. I walked out of the room grinding my teeth assuming my refereeing skills were required in some minor sibling combat. NOPE. Turns out there was an emergency. A fire. Kenna calmly explained that while she was heating some rice, she saw sparks and was now observing a small combustion inside the microwave. Her question was should she continue to watch it or try to put it out? REALLY?!! A FIRE?!! Yeah, yawn. So, should she let it burn or do something? She sounded less concerned than if the TV remote were missing. I told her to put a wet rag on the small flame which she did while I stayed on the phone. Okay, it was out. Thanks for the help. Click.

(Incidentally, the culprit was a tiny, metal hinge in the random plastic container she had chosen to heat her rice in.)

A thank you note.

Dear neighbor boy,

Thank you for staying out past curfew with your boisterous skateboard-toting buddies as to capture the attention of a passing police officer. Thank you for getting in a fight at school, one serious enough to give another lawman something to do. Thank you for attending your citation hearings and for accepting your sentence with the utmost teenage dignity. In today's wavering economy, public servants are grateful for the steady work you provide.

Thank you for choosing to fulfill several of your community service hours at our house. Without your help, the Christmas tree might still be up, the fish would be concealed in algae-covered aquarium glass, and the bathroom would still show the aftermath of Tropical Storm Alec.

Thank you for letting me run in the mornings with your mom so that I understand that if good parenting could prevent kids from making dumb choices, you would be shining your halo and not my floors. Thank you for helping me find a little more patience for my own budding teen and his homework-hating, chore-avoiding, sibling-pestering ways.

Thank you for helping Todd with a science crossword puzzle. I'm not sure how his teacher felt about your suggestion to add a exclamation points to the hypothesized words that didn't fit the allotted squares, but he did complete his assignment. Thank you for the other lesson that you taught Todd and that he has since passed on to his little sister: "Kenna, it's good to learn from your own mistakes but sometimes it's good to learn from other people's mistakes!!"

New goals for 2010.

First things first...Blogging hiatus explained.
The reason that I haven't blogged in such a long time is that my ongoing war with real life versus my expectations has reached a pinnacle. I've held the belief that if I tried harder, got up earlier, ran faster, gave more, etc., that things would work out the way I wanted them to. Just like the eagle eggs in Nacho Libre, these things are a LIE and I am fighting against the universe's insistence that I learn this sad, sad lesson. The practice of this philosophy hasn't given me what I want at all. I haven't blogged because I'm hoping that lack of documentation of the last few months will aid me in forgetting what a disaster I have felt like.

That explained, here's my plan for 2010:
Last year's idea to include inspiring words to live by with my resolutions was a bust. I began too many things, persevered through many, and excelled at NONE (except ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper consumed). I am starting out 2010 very discouraged. Here is a mere sampling of what is getting me down:
* I've got nearly 20 extra pounds hanging around and no desire to do what it takes to banish them.
* I find it nearly impossible to keep my cool with my teenager.
* I'm lazy at work but consistently agree to take on more when asked.
* My Christmas decorations are STILL up!
* The house is a wreck. I'm totally disorganized and haven't the will to de-junk and tackle the mess.

I have bid farewell to delusions that I might become a more temperate Gloria Steinem, a mormon Mother Teresa, a less-annoying Don Aslet, an honest Hiliary Clinton, a drawl-less Dr. Phil, a normally nostriled Jillian Michaels, a less wealthy but equally generous Oprah Winfrey, or any other noted world-changer. Even my smallest of goals for self-improvement and mastery go unmet day after day, year after year. So, spurred by a pattern of hard work not working out and an overwhelming desire to take a nap under my desk at work last week, it's time to lower the bar and do the opposite of what I've tried for too long. My new role model...

GEORGE COSTANZA.

If you drop by, you will find me draped in velvet eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery. Happy New Year!!

Halloween Pic

SGM 2009

How many race reports can you read that begin and end with me explaining how sorely (no pun intended!) undertrained I was to tackle the experience? Hopefully you've got it in you to read one more...

Any marathon training should include, at very least, three 18+ mile runs but hot summer weather forces ridiculously early departure times and busy schedules often interfere with the best intentions to get in a long run. These two issues are always factors in my lack of training but cannot be solely blamed. The fact is, I am L-A-Z-Y when it comes to doing long training runs. I just don't like to do them!

I ran the SLC 1/2 (April), Ogden 1/2 (May), Legacy 1/2 (May), and Top of Utah 1/2 (August) this year and a miserable 18.6 miler (except for the great company). Other than those races, my distance training wasn't more than about 10 miles on any run. Therefore, my time and performance goals settled nice and low at:
#1 Avoid injury and
#2 Enjoy my tall, handsome race partner.

Mission and low expectations accomplished!!

Brent and I spent a lovely 5 hours and 21 minutes running the marathon together sans wrecked knees, back, or even unmentionable chafing. Our time included great conversation, much laughing, a tear or two (on my part only and probably unbeknown even to Brent!), and a kiss at the finish line!

The pics are borrowed from the official event photographers at marathonfoto.com, hence the big PROOF across each of them. I prefer to think of the pics this way:
#1 PROOF that even though he could have left me in the dust, Brent stayed at my side throughout the race.
#2 PROOF that running makes me feel tough and accomplished...even if it's really slow running with lots of walking in between :D
#3 PROOF that I still like that guy I married 16.75 years ago.
#1 PROOF that I participated in my 3rd full and 3rd St. George Marathon. Woohoo!!

Pumpkin Patch Pals

Yay me!! Alec's Jelly Bean Junction fieldtrip to Black Island Farms Pumpkin Patch fell on my day off and since he attends preschool in my sis-in-law's neighborhood, I don't know a lot of the other moms so I spent every minute riveted on this cute guy's idea of farm fun. He loved feeding the goats, riding the animal train, sliding down the hay bale slope, and picking out his own pumpkin on the tractor-wagon jaunt. Not pictured: PIG races and my post-marathon quads burning up as we tried to partner on the teeter-totter.

Smiley for Miley

My cute neighbor/friend/running pal invited Kenna to go to the Miley Cyrus concert with her daughter and step daughter. Kenna wore a bright pink, tie-dyed "peace" tee and sported some cool hair mascara for the occasion. Although Miley was a little sick and had to take a few breaks, all the girls had a great time.

Lucky 13!

On October 1st Todd officially became a TERRIFIC teenager. He is a fabulous kid and I do not anticipate a spiked increase in eye-rolling and arguing. (Although, it will be nice to finally have an explanation for said behaviors.)

13 great things about Todd:

1. Todd does great voices, accents and impressions. We watched the Secret Garden a couple of weeks ago and he has been in and out of Irish, Scottish, and English phrases and accents since. And yes, they each sound a little different.

2. Todd is great on the phone. I grinned as I listened to him chat with birthday well wishers. His animation and annunciation surprise me. (If you've met his father, you know why.)

3. Todd is affectionate in action and word. I can still get a hug and kiss from Todd at bedtime and I-love-yous are sprinkled throughout the day.

4. Todd is honest. Even if it means telling on himself, you know that you'll get the facts when his side of the story comes out.

5. Todd called *W* "doogaly" for a long time after he learned his letters. It was so cute that we called him Doogaly for a long time.

6. Todd has an opinion and readily shares it. This trait has landed me in discussions at the school office a couple of times but even given those worrisome times, I know that this quality will serve him well...He will eventually temper the DNA he got from his mum and confidently stand for what he believes.

7. Todd loves his family--immediate and extended members. I don't take this for granted. I feel blessed that he likes to be around us.

8. Todd is a "good" boy. Last week Brent and I traveled to Orem on Sunday morning for our newest nephew's blessing. Because we had to leave early, we let the kids stay home and sleep in. Todd got up on his own and went to church! He also attends his scouting and Young Men's activities regularly. I'm so happy this isn't something we argue about.

9. Todd is active. We've got a lot of pictures of him playing Guitar Hero and RockBand but he can often be found outside shooting hoops a lot too. He's run several 5K races as well.

10. Todd is true blue to BYU. How could he be otherwise??? It's fun to listen to him chew the sports' fat about stats and random trivia with Brent. This is something he does that really reminds me of how old he is.

11. Todd is learning to speak FRENCH! Brent speaks Spanish so I was a little surprised when Todd chose my BYU minor as his 2nd language. He really likes the class and is doing tres bien in there.

12. Todd is a great 'big' brother. He has his moments of being a little too rough with Alec and a lot too annoyed with Kenna but he is usually very respectful and fun with them.

13. Todd changed our family. When Todd was born, Brent and I went from being a couple without kids to being a couple with. My mom and dad got their first grandchild and Brent's parents, their first grandson. My siblings and spouses became aunts and uncles. Brent's siblings got their first nephew. These weren't simple title changes. Todd matured us and gave us something important to do and love.

I love you, Todd!
Happy teenagedom.