Tuesday, November 2, 2010

What to do.

This school year, two friends and I have scheduled play dates for our three Kindergarten boys on Tuesday afternoons and we take turns hosting the fun. I'm surprised by how well the boys get along and at how much Alec looks forward to this time with friends. It makes him happy...even happier than he normally is which is pretty darn happy!

On my non-host weeks, I dream of quiet, uncomplicated alone time but usually end up over-scheduled and busied with something. Today is my dream day, though. I'm here. At home. Alone. And suddenly, I'm paralyzed with the coincidence of a bad mood and too many choices that fall into the nebulous and intersecting categories of want-to, need-to, and should-do...
  • Get and keep this house clean. I've tried chore charts, index card systems, begging, bribing, threatening, rewarding, going it alone. This place is impermeable to my efforts and desires for lemon-scented order. I can't even hire a cleaning lady. Things are too bad.
  • De-junk. Although this would help my desperate need of house-straightening, this is a separate issue. I have been married nearly 18 years and have have three growing kids. It's past time to prune and purge our lives of the acquired and long accumulating accouterments, accessories, apparatuses and attachments that are weighing us down. I bought three books recently that now bulk our bookshelf to aid me in this vein. Oh, the irony.
  • Write reports. For almost 2 weeks I have toted work tasks home and back again teasing myself that I will have the uninterrupted time and thought to put in here what I can't seem to accomplish there. Nope. Not today either.
  • Sing like the kids on Glee. Sometimes I wish I had the music in me. I think an entire afternoon at the piano belting out show tunes might lift a blue and undecided mood.
  • Get along with my teenager. Maybe I could make a Sonic strawberry shake run to the Jr. High and surprise Todd. Would he less resent my homework and chore nagging? Better make it a hot fudge shake for me. I can't yell with my mouth full.
  • Blog about Hawaii. Though the tan has faded, I took the trip. I have the pictures. I just can't blog about it. What is wrong with me? Who doesn't enjoy a tropical island getaway? ME!! Our family had a rough time on our "vacation" across the ocean. I'm still grieving and I want my shining recollection to be free of embittered unfulfilled expectations.
  • Go running. The weather is perfect right now for a good, long trot but this is low, low, low on my wish list of time-spenders. I know my mood brightens when I'm consistent with exercise but I just can't make myself do it today or the last three weeks. :*( I'm in a burned-out funk.
  • Make jean quilts. I have been seriously stockpiling old jeans over the last several years with a plan to sew quilts for friends and family Christmas gifts. My trait strength of seeing a project through completion is a weakness when it comes to getting started. The daunting denim edifice taunts and overwhelms me. Not today.
  • Go or at least plan Christmas shopping. Every year some anxiety holds me back from enjoying what should be a peaceful, happy season. I worry about searching and ordering presents too late, overspending because I started buying too early, choosing an equal amount of gifts for the kids, picking dumb or wrong gifts, forgetting someone who should have been on my list, being "out-thoughtfulled" by someone who buys for me, shipping presents too late or too early, etc. I can't face whatever will put me over the edge this year.
  • Read. I'm halfway through a book titled, "Boys Adrift" which describes why today's young males are unmotivated and low-achieving. Yeah. That'll boost my spirits. "Dear Rita, two of your three children are doomed. You and society have failed them. Particulates from the plastic container holding the milk you pour on their cereal is partly to blame. Good luck with that."
  • Cry. I need a something that might induce a good, cathartic tear fest. Too bad I don't have a dvr'ed episode of Biggest Loser. That can usually get me going.
  • Accept mediocrity. As might have been predicted, I have squandered my time and creativity digging the entrance to and escape from pity party a little deeper. "Pain is the result of unmet expectations." Number one on my want-to/need-to/should-do list needs to be lose the list.


Deanna Quinton Larson said...

Oh, Sweetie! Give yourself a break!! Grab some chocolate, put the husband on kid duty, put in a tear inducing chick flick, lock to door and have a good cry. Don't forget the tissues. I'm sorry things aren't going as you expect them too. Those teen years are a struggle for us all unfortunately. Honestly, I'm surprised how much more I like to just hang out with my daughter now that she is a little older. Always loved her but those year of teen grief left me wondering if we would ever be friends.

Colett's Corner said...

I agree. Give yourself a break. Sometimes it's nice to just have time to think about the things you should...want...could....do. Just a few minutes to yourself seems to do wonders. I think you are awesome and always will. You accomplish so much more than you realize. You always have a little something for someone who needs it. Take a minute for yourself and don't feel bad if you don't do anything!

Jana said...

I agree with the other 2 gals. It's okay to not be on "full speed ahead" every day. Take a day off and forgive yourself for you. You honestly deserve it.