Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Don't you wonder?


Have you wondered about dying? I mean, we know everyone will die, but have you thought about passing before you "plan" to die? I've had that fleeting and panicking thought during a particularly sad, dark spell or even innocently as I drifted off to sleep. It sends my heart racing and begging for more; more time, more happiness, more life. Phrases meant to be inspirational--"Live each day as though it were your last,"--sound trite and tainted with naivety. Even the most comfort-intentioned sentence--"Families are forever,"--is heard and experienced so differently once you have to truly employ your faith to understand an incomprehensible situation.

Brent's little sister, Sheri, told nurses that she was in so much pain she felt like she would die. I don't think she meant it. She couldn't have believed that. None of us believe that we will leave this earth without the many evidences of old age; as though somehow enough wrinkles and grey hair will ease our departure. So, as with many topics since her death, I think differently about leaving my family, friends and earthly home prematurely. A visit to Sheri's gravesite on Memorial Day brought to mind a few more things that I have learned from Sheri's willingness to lead by example...

1. Motherhood brings joy. Sheri loved her little daughters deeply. Sheri and Eric were married for years before they decided to have children. I never heard Sheri regret this decision or wish their before-kids days back. She complained very little and giggled very much while she was a mom.

2. Little things DO count. A few times since Sheri's death, I have sung songs--just for fun--with Abbey and some of her cousins. Each time, Abbey reminds me that her mommy died. I believe that the Primary or fun song that we sing evokes a memory of Sheri because Sheri sung and spent special time with Abbey.

3. Working parents can be fully engaged with their children. Even with a part-time schedule, I find it energy-taxing to work and parent. Sheri and Eric worked their schedules to ensure maximum time with Abbey even if it meant less time for them to be together. Sheri even used commute time to-and-from the sitter's house to play with and teach Abbey.

4. Your children will remember you. Abbey is little, only three. Ava is not yet one and was never physically introduced to Sheri but I know that they know Sheri and feel her. I see small evidences--Abbey reading 'Goodnight, Gorilla' to Ava, silly Elmo voices, tender talking--of Sheri's lasting mark on her daughters' hearts.

5. Your attitude and small actions will define you. Sheri wasn't here long enough. She wasn't. When her too-short life was condensed to memories, Sheri's laugh, kindness, tender heart, humor, sacrifices, example and leadership were mentioned repeatedly by those of us blessed enough to know and love her. She made big and small differences to many.

I love you, Sheri. Miss you too.

11 comments:

Andrea said...

This weekend brought a lot of reflection on Sheri's life for me too. I miss her. You should post this on Klein girls.

Beverly said...

Loved this post. Thanks for coming down on Saturday and going to Sheri's grave with us.

Rockelle said...

tears in my eyes. reminds me of Chad, he left behind 3 babies. who at the time were 4, 3 and 1 now they are 15, 14, and 12. Time moves on but yet my heart still aches for them, and for him.
LOVE YOU OLD FRIEND!....
and i do hafta say we ALL need a will!

Rockelle said...

tears in my eyes. reminds me of Chad, he left behind 3 babies. who at the time were 4, 3 and 1 now they are 15, 14, and 12. Time moves on but yet my heart still aches for them, and for him.
LOVE YOU OLD FRIEND!....
and i do hafta say we ALL need a will!

Colett's Corner said...

What a great post Rita. Thanks for always helping everyone see that the little things can make a big impact. I know your family suffered a huge loss. I hope time will heal you all. ♥ u all.

Deanna Quinton Larson said...

I love reading of your experiences. You have such a wonderful way of expressing ideas that touch my heart. Thank you!

Debbie said...

Your post touched my heart, Rita. I needed to read this tonight. You have quite a way of sharing your heart with us all. Thanks!

Katie said...

Rita, don't make me cry! I have almost a whole day of just Noah and me. Reading this just made me re-think my plans and have a special mama-Noah day. Thanks for that.

Scott said...

Thanks for the thoughtful post. For a month or two, at the first of 2000, I had thoughts of dying, even to the point of writing a "final" letter to my family. It's as if my body or my subconscious was trying to tell me something. Soon thereafter, I had heart problems, which I suppose, if left unchecked, would have caused my death. Maybe our body does know when it is close to death.

Amy and Brad said...

What a beautiful post. I think I'll consider my life a success if those around me learn half as much from my example as you have all learned from Sheri's.

Jana said...

Thanks for the reminder of the fragility of life and of sharing a beautiful tribute to a special lady. I needed that reminder that the little things are really the big things.