Sunday, April 4, 2010

What I was thinking at mile 7.



Yesterday I ran a half marathon. (That's 13.1 miles for those of you lucky enough not to be stuck in mental and physical vortex that is a running hobby.) Near mile 7, Chasing Pavements by Adele began to play on my MP3 player. Over and over I heard Adele ask herself, "Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere..." Fatigue, a headwind and roads full of frozen slush definitely begged the same question but the lyrics about unrequited affection also mirrored the latest analysis of my love-hate relationship with running. As Adele admitted to pouring emotional energy into something that is not panning out, I wondered the same thing. Why on earth do I run?

I really do love to run. It gives me some personal time and helps me feel strong and confident. Lately, however, my heart (and other body parts) haven't been into it. When my running partner moved in December and then was stricken with a stress fracture, I realized how dependent on someone else I have become even to reach my own goals. In an attempt to ward off an impending birthday crisis, last year I determined to run 4 Utah marathons in 2010. Evidently, setting the goal didn't work and neither did forking out all the money for race registrations. Self-sabotage has taken over and I have let a serious lapse in training add to my spiraling self-concept. What is wrong with me?!

Anyway, to answer Adele's and my own question, yes, I am going to keep chasing pavements even though it doesn't seem to be leading anywhere. I am trying to recommit to my original goal to train well and enjoy this year of running. Bring on the marathons...
May-Ogden
June-Utah Valley
August-Park City
October-St. George.

6 comments:

Amy and Brad said...

Way to go, Rita! You are amazing!

The Bullknitter said...

Personally, I think that song is too slow for a running song, but that's beside the point. I think anyone who can run even a half marathon is amazing. I can barely run a mile. So, you go girl!

Colett's Corner said...

Rita you are such an inspiration to so many people. Please don't get all of your goals achieved and everything figured out....I think when that happens we leave this life and so many of us need you here. You are wonderful!!!

Deanna Quinton Larson said...

Seriously, Rita, you are an amazing woman! I can't imagine running like you do. Only in my dreams. Hang in there 'cause you can definitely reach your goal.

Katie said...

Today I ran 11.5 miles in prep for SLC half next week and I thought of you around mile "owe, this hurts". I don't know how you keep doing this. This is my first and my last, I hope. I have a hate-hate relationship with running and I envy people like you! Just know that you inspire my aching knees to keep going!

Jana said...

Deets, you truly are amazing! You are inspiring! Don't doubt yourself because we all believe in you! Hang in there! And don't worry so much about 40, it really is just a number. Love ya.